Departure
by Skeva
Summary: The world was against him, that Nico knew; but when his own opinions twist and mold him into self-hatred, he can't help but be against him too.


_Contains spoilers (to an extent)!_

_No fluff, just reality. Sorry for any errors or stupidity._

* * *

The ropes were easy. Of course, Jason had helped him get them over the huge statue, Athena Parthenos, but now all that was left was tying them down.

"Are you feeling okay?" Jason asked, fiddling with the knots beside him. Nico didn't answer, stepping away from him to tie down the next line of rope. Jason played it off casually, though, as if he understood that Nico wasn't in the mood. If only he could understand that he was _never_ in the mood.

He'd slowly started to regret ever offering to retrieve that stupid scepter with Jason. I mean sure, it was a vital element in completing the quest, but they could've done it without him, right? Jason didn't have to know about his sexuality, right? Wrong. Nico knew that was a lie. If he hadn't gone, gods knew what could've happened.

Jason threw him a glance every few minutes or so, as if making sure he didn't create a hole in the ground and jump into his preferred land of the dead, or maybe to see if he was feeling alright. The thought made Nico squirm; he didn't like being 'watched over'. It made him feel weak, below the standards of others.

He didn't need protection. Not since Bianca di Angelo's death.

"I can finish the knots on my own, Jason."

He looked over from behind Athena's foot. "Are you sure? I don't mind-"

Nico shot him a glance, allowing no expression to make its way to the surface. _Just listen to me, golden boy._ Jason sighed as if he understood exactly what was on his mind(which Nico detested) and gestured goodbye, walking down the hill.

Alone. He accepted the silence thoughtlessly, allowing the orangey tint of the setting sun to lighten his vision as he tied. It made him sad, the sunset. He remembered his stygian iron sword, illuminating darkness as it sucked in all that was bright; a perfect weapon for the spawn of death. Soon it would be dark.

He shook his head, finding his thoughts ridiculous. It was as if he was blaming himself for night.

_But I'm to blame for a lot of things._

"Thank you."

Nico looked over, a frown playing on his otherwise emotionless face.

Percy was tired, that much he could tell.

But why wouldn't he be? Tartarus was merciless towards just the smallest fragment of life, suffocating it with pain to the point of total anguish. How he could still smile even after going through that hell, Nico didn't know.

Or he didn't want to know.

"What for?"

"You promised to lead the others to the house of Hades," Percy said. "You did it."

_Of course I did._ Nico looked over the ropes, tying and fidgeting with them until they were acceptable. He did a double check, not allowing his eyes to meet Percy's. "You got me out of that bronze jar in Rome. Saved my life yet again. It was the least I could do."

Percy leaned against the statue, making Nico stiffen. It was an awkward feeling, being so hostile towards someone so . . . comfortable. Thinking back to everything he'd put Percy through, he wondered why he could still feel so calm around him.

"Also, you visited Bob."

He nodded. "I couldn't do much about the janitor thing, though."

"He helped us through Tartarus. We could've," he grimaced, "we would've died if it weren't for him. And now he's down there . . . You convinced Bob that I could be trusted, even though _I_ never visited him. I never gave him a second thought. You probably saved our lives by being nice again."

Nico was glad he didn't ask what happened to Bob. He still didn't get the entire story of what happened to the two demigods in Tartarus, but he knew of the chaos going on down there. It felt unlikely that he'd survived.

He remembered he had to respond. "Yeah, well, not giving people a second thought . . . that can be dangerous."

"Dude, I'm trying to say thank you."

_You already did._ But of course, Percy had to torture him just a little bit more. He hated that; the pain of being acquainted with him. How even in the Fields of Asphodel there seemed to be less hurt than there was in his heart.

He laughed, shallow and emotionless. It sounded like an echo of death itself, the laugh of someone finding life as nothing more than an ironic joke. It may as well have been.

Percy was taken aback, unsure of how to respond. Nico met his sea-green eyes. "I'm trying to say you don't need to. Now," he broke the eye contact and looked back to his ropes, "I need to finish this, if you could give me some space?"

"Yeah." His voice sounded hurt, and Nico tried not to feel guilty. "Yeah, okay," he took some steps away.

He slung the ropes over his shoulder, ready to finish working with the Athena Parthenos, but he could still feel Percy's eyes on him. He looked up.

"Do you want me to help with anything?" Percy offered.

"Like what? And don't you have something else to do?"

"No, not really. We're leaving soon, and I know that Reyna, she-"

Nico attempted to roll his eyes; although he was sure he looked like something of the dead doing so. "There's nothing left to do." he stated. "Besides, you seem tired. Go sleep or something."

Percy looked doubtedly at the statue, then back at him. "She's light," Nico reassured.

"Who's light?"

Nico waved a hand to the roped goddess behind him.

Percy blushed. "Oh, right."

He was slow with some things, Nico knew, but he couldn't help but grin at his cluelessness.

Annabeth Chase made her way into his view. He felt his smile vanish as she reached for Percy's hand. Immediately, Percy brightened. Nico felt sick, downcasting his eyes.

Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail; blonde, playful hair bouncing merrily. Her eyes illuminated with business, though, as if she were taking in every single thing you've ever done, judging you. He'd come to respect her, yeah, but he just wish he could hate her a little more.

"Good luck," she bid him.

"Yeah. You too."

Reyna and the satyr, Coach Hedge arrived, sending out farewells and wishing for 'good luck's'. Annabeth let go of Percy, bringing Reyna into a tight hug, before returning herself into his grasp.

"We will succeed," Reyna promised.

Percy and Annabeth smiled. "I know you will."

Coach Hedge shouldered his baseball cap. "Yeah, don't worry. I'm going to get to camp to see my baby! Uh, I mean I'm going to get this baby to camp!" He patted down the leg of the statue from next to Nico.

Nico felt like the outsider, standing there. "Alright," he interrupted. "Grab the ropes please. Here we go."

He summoned the darkness around him to _become_ him, asking it to do the same for the other two passengers and his luggage. He sweated, but the coolness of the shadows filled him with enough energy to make him feel comfortable. Percy's face disappeared from view, as if the world around him and Annabeth had gone black. He enjoyed the feeling, blending in with the shadows completely, nowhere close to reality.

Reyna gasped, but it sounded distant. He didn't trouble himself with reassuring her, though, she seemed tough enough.

He thought back to what he said to Jason Grace as the shadows flew past his eyes. _I'm going to honor my promise_. He had said_. I'll take you to Epirus. I'll help you close the Doors of Death. Then that's it. I'm leaving- forever._

He wondered how it would be, never seeing those demigods again. He wondered why he was still helping them._ I kept my promise, why am I still here?_

_You're still needed, _a voice seemed to whisper in his head. _But once you are finished, you can leave, disappear. Just like you wanted._

Nico kept his eyes ahead of him, but the thought clawed mercilessly at his conscious.

_This is what_ I_ want to do, _he told himself,_ and I'll stick around as long as I want._

_As long as I want . . ._

The shadows flickered, directing him to his heart's desired location. Fractions of light occasionally shown through, blacks and greys fluently blending and bending as their hosts allowed them. His breathing steepened, they'd have to rest soon.

_. . . Until the time comes that I want to disappear._

He smiled.

_Maybe I'll be happy._


End file.
